Envii <3 You

I find it hard to believe that some people will let themselves fall so far down. To begin with, you were already in a pretty big rut. Fights all the time, issues at work, stress at home. I can see where the drinking comes in.

But why the hell did you have to throw smoking in to the damn mix? Bad enough you're pretty much an alcoholic who only finds satisfaction in vodka and whiskey. You're a fucking hypocrite too for telling me and everyone "Oh, smoking's gross and I have asthma, I'll never do it". It's good that it's not pills, but shit ... like smoking is any better. Though maybe that's not what to worry about the most, maybe it's your drinking. It's clearly gotten out of hand and you're just making things worse.

Why the hell are you letting this affect you so much? So you were head over heels, so you cared for her a lot, so she's making your life so god damn fucking difficult. GET OVER IT. DRINKING is not going to ease the pain, nor will it make it go away. SMOKING is not going to ease the pain and make it better. PILL are not going to ease the pain and make it better. ONLY YOU YOURSELF CAN MAKE IT BETTER. But since you can't seem to grow the balls to get over it, no sense telling you that then, hm?

Maybe I'm just so pissed because you were someone who was there for me when I couldn't handle things and everything you said to me I'm telling you, BUT YOU'RE NOT FUCKING LISTENING. Why can't you see that there are people who actually give a shit about you more than she does? Why can't you see that you have friends who are trying to help you? Maybe you don't want help. You keep saying "she's not the girl I love anymore". Well, if she doesn't exist anymore, it's time to stop dreaming, don't you think? Shit happens. Breakups happen. People change. It's inevitable. Why can't you see that? You can't bring back the past, sometimes you just have to 'accept defeat'.

This is how it is, this is how it's going to be. You can be depressed over it and shit, but it's not going to make it better. Whatever kind of stupid stunts to pull to 'relieve the pain' isn't going to do shit except fuck you over. And if that's all you're gonna do, is wallow in your stupid depression and be all "This sucks, I can't take this I'm gonna drink, smoke and cut myself till I feel better" then fine, why don't you fucking do that and make things worse for you? It's shit like that, that makes it harder for the next person. They're the ones that have to clean up your mess, and dress your wounds, but they do it out of love and you should at least respect them by easing it up a little. Not just for a future relationship but for those around you who still care.

As angry as I am, I'm still willing to stick with you.

Yeah, been a while since I made on of these. But you know ... I feel like ranting about a certain someone who has been on my nerves.

I'm sure some of you may have recalled that there was this guy, 21 who likes me. Never met him in person, but apparently, he likes me. So he says.

Like a certain someone (read: Josh) he thought it would be cool if he decided to say something really stupid like 'I knew it wasn't gonna last, it seemed like he didn't really care about you in the first place'

Well excuse me~

You think you're better? I don't think so. Don't talk shit about someone you don't know. If you were hoping that saying something like that would suddenly make me think of you in a bettter light, or make me like you more. Sorry, I don't work like that. In fact, you're only going to get the opposite effect.

Why? Oh well, that answer is simple, really. Well, I guess to get the complete message across I can't scrimp on any words so I'll just say it plainly.

I really don't like it when someone says something to make a person I care about a lot, look bad. It's just one of those things where I just have to ask what the fuck do you think you're doing? To have to gall to say something like that to me. Are you trying to impress me? Because it doesn't work. I really don't like it at all when someone decideds to say something bad about any person that I care about a lot.

I don't care if they're a friend or someone I just know, I will not stand having that person say those sort of things about someone who is important to me.

And then this guy was talking to me yesterday and he said 'you seemed kind of irritated with me today' Well, DUH, you think? You pissed me off, you think I'm gonna be all smiles for you? Sorry, but no.




Pfft, now that I let all that out, I think I'm going to be boiling for a few days ...

That guy is quickly becoming another Josh. I can't stand talking to him. I even told him that I don't like talking to him ... but no, he just can't seem to get it through his fuckin' head. Stupid fuckin' idiot.

Now that I'm officialyl done ranting, I am going to bed and I'm gonna sleep this off.

Ever since yesterday morning I've been having this sort of headache

It's like ... something-just-hit-me-on-the-back-of-my-head sort of headache.

Ya know?

(Those kids smothered me today ... and why the hell do them little boys like me so much?)

So far the score is ...

: 3
kiyominai: 1

Conclusion: Death by orgasm is the ultimate way to die

I like ... watched NANA ... all day. It was awesome. I'm not even done watching all the episodes I downloaded yet either. Um, other than that ... I did laundry. Gosh, actually .. I really didn't do anything but sit in front of the computer and watch NANA.

Erm ... let's see ...

I made a batch of cookies yesterday ... there are four left. I'm sorry ... make that two, I just ate a couple.

Rawr, saturday it's off to pearlridge with Shayna and friends~ I think there are going to be some SHA people there ... I think, because Li knows SHA people, yeah? So yeah ... I still remember that first time I met Li. She was wearing that hook thing and later, a cardboard sign was stuck onto it.

Grandpa was there last time. This time around he is definitely not going to be there ... THANK GOD.

But anyways ... I'm pretty happy to be going to Pearlridge ... I haven't been there in a while. That just reminded me of this Fun Factory token card thingar that I found recently. It was like ... in the elevator ... stuck to the bulletin board thing ... and yeah ...

My entries are super boring when I have nothing to do.

*EDIT*

This deserves to be made public XD

I wish I could say "let's start again" or "We were both wrong, let's just make up" ... but I can't seem to bring myself to be able to say those lies.

I don't want to start again.

I don't want to make up.

It hurts to lose a friend like this ... but ...

You threaten my relationship. I don't need someone like you to dampen things. You overstep my boundaries, you ignore the warnings I give, and you cry when I lash at you.

You're an annoying pest ... and I'd rather be rid of you. I don't like it when you try to give me doubts. It just doesn't work for one thing ... and I find it offensive. He's not like that and he isn't that kind of person. Maybe to you, he may be ... but he's not you. He is himself ... and you are you. It's obviously different.

I'm not mad at you because of how you reacted to my way of telling you off. I'm mad at you because I don't like how you seem to be towards my boyfriend, a person you have never met.

Unless if I get an apology, I highly doubt I'll ever forgive you. Mind you, the apology might not even be enough. And yeah, this is public ... not only so that you yourself can read it ... but also so that any person who just so happens to read this in passing will be aware of how much I dislike you. No wait, let me correct myself.

I hate you.

From,
The Girl Who Wishes You Ill Intentions

I keep forgetting to do this but ... Sorry peeps, this is a friends only LJ. Comment to be added :3 I'm quite open with these things, so don't be shy.